Jesus is my chainsaw

I’m formally Zen Buddhist. I took Jukai with Robert Joshin Althouse in 2007. But I grew up Catholic, and while I have multiple problems with Christianity, I still think there’s a lot of value in the teachings of the Jewish desert prophet. And while Christianity as practiced and understood today doesn’t work for me on a rational level, I do still have an emotional connection  to it.

Once a Christian tried to sway me with the line, ‘don’t think so much about this.’ That’s what we call ‘not understanding your audience.’ Yeah, no. But it does have enough of a tug on me that I don’t want to completely discard it. And I feel like repressing it could backfire in ugly ways. I’d hate to surprise my friends by going through a born again phase like Bob Dylan.

So an informal relationship with the the Christian tradition works best for me. I don’t consider myself un-Christian or anti-Christian, but I don’t think most people who would  call themselves Christian would call me one. Which is fine with me: I don’t have a need to fit anyone’s categories.

I came up with ‘Jesus is my chainsaw’ when I wrote this. It’s a line from a b-movie concept I’ve had in the back of my mind for a while, spoken by the evil Reverend Jim. ‘Jesus is my chainsaw! Come to Jesus! Bwhahahaha!’ But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. So I’m making it mine.

I have a deeply perverse and absurdist sense of humor. And for me, humor does have an important place in spirituality in general. So, while others might say Jesus is their savior, I say Jesus is my chainsaw. Jesus was a righteous dude, who stood up for ‘the least of these,’ threw the money-changers out of the temple, and died for what  he believed in… I don’t imagine him as a one-dimensional guy, but he could be pretty badass.

Savior? No. Teacher? Closer. Chainsaw? Hell yes.

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4 comments

  1. Before Betty & I got married we made the obligational visit to the priest. We promised to raise the unborn children as Catholics. Inasmuch as my attitude toward religion is close to yours, I promised that I would not interfere and would go to church whenever Betty asked. With that Father Gilchrest and I shook hands.

    Everything was fine until we ran into an old guy who was running the church in Cary. He couldn’t get past money and virginity. He soured everyones attitude and from then on it was Sunday morning stay at home.

    I don’t know how or why, but your attitude fairly matches mine. I have to keep three versions of the Christian Bible to make sure I can find the right quotation when I need one.

  2. PEOPLE IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT FAITH BASED RELIGION YOU BELIEVE IN, SO PLEASE STOP THE FIGHTING…… THE BASIC OF ALL IS THE SAME BELIEF…. JUST DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU… TRY TO BE THE BEST BEING YOU CAN BE AND RID YOUSELF OF HATE AND REPLACE IT WITH CARING AND LOVE… THIS WHAT I BELIEVE. I BEEN DOING MY BEST TO STAND BY THIS AND WALK THE WALK MY ENTIRE LIFE… IT IS A LONELY ROAD, BUT HAS GREAT JOY AND PIECE OF SOUL…. NOW AS I SAY…. LOVE AND PEACE OUT. TRULY, KATHY L.C.G. CARSON

    1. It need not be a lonely road. John and I are on the same path – and their must be others. My method is to try to avoid examining motivation and look to actions that contain benevolence and kindness.

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